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bladesparkBracing for impact. All hands on deck. Sirens are blaring.
The plane flies out tomorrow. I need to go. I need to do the right thing. I need to know I didn't just fold and avoid and hurt people I love simply because things are difficult and complicated.
And yet things are difficult and complicated and just... fuck.
I'm seeing my family tomorrow. The conservative, religious, *kind*, nice, dense as bricks family, who haven't even been able to grasp the concept of "bisexual" so good luck explaining genderqueer and multiple to them. Hell, I can't even get them to grasp the concept of "believes in God but not The Church." THAT'S how fucking tiny-minded they are, that is beyond them. Dammit.
Yin has basically sworn off of the whole mess, with a "If you make me deal with those idiots, you'll end up disowned, so fuck no, for everyone's sake." Fair enough.
Aidan is just all in pieces though. We're actually bringing a chest binder, and dressing the whole time. If anybody notices I *will* fucking go to bat for him, but they won't. They're 100% oblivious, on top of everything else.
Oni is just about killing himself trying to somehow insulate the rest of us from this. He wants so badly to be our protector, but there are some things there's just no protecting from.
I just want to get it over with. It's only four days. Not even four whole days. One long weekend. I can deal. I just wish I didn't have to "deal". I wish I had a family who could see me, *all* of me, for what I am, and that seeing them didn't mean getting misgendered and misunderstood.
Sigh.
I kinda want a drink. I won't get any of those while I'm there either. I won't even get my fucking tea-with-Bailey's. The *tea* is forbidden, let alone the Bailey's.
Bleh.
The plane flies out tomorrow. I need to go. I need to do the right thing. I need to know I didn't just fold and avoid and hurt people I love simply because things are difficult and complicated.
And yet things are difficult and complicated and just... fuck.
I'm seeing my family tomorrow. The conservative, religious, *kind*, nice, dense as bricks family, who haven't even been able to grasp the concept of "bisexual" so good luck explaining genderqueer and multiple to them. Hell, I can't even get them to grasp the concept of "believes in God but not The Church." THAT'S how fucking tiny-minded they are, that is beyond them. Dammit.
Yin has basically sworn off of the whole mess, with a "If you make me deal with those idiots, you'll end up disowned, so fuck no, for everyone's sake." Fair enough.
Aidan is just all in pieces though. We're actually bringing a chest binder, and dressing the whole time. If anybody notices I *will* fucking go to bat for him, but they won't. They're 100% oblivious, on top of everything else.
Oni is just about killing himself trying to somehow insulate the rest of us from this. He wants so badly to be our protector, but there are some things there's just no protecting from.
I just want to get it over with. It's only four days. Not even four whole days. One long weekend. I can deal. I just wish I didn't have to "deal". I wish I had a family who could see me, *all* of me, for what I am, and that seeing them didn't mean getting misgendered and misunderstood.
Sigh.
I kinda want a drink. I won't get any of those while I'm there either. I won't even get my fucking tea-with-Bailey's. The *tea* is forbidden, let alone the Bailey's.
Bleh.
no subject
Date: 2018-12-28 05:15 am (UTC)