I guess I'm doing okay.
Apr. 14th, 2020 02:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bladesparkEverything is still shit.
I seem to be coping a little bit, though?
Had therapy via video chat today. Didn't end up making another appointment, because there's nothing new in my life, and I've been implementing her suggested coping strategies and my own ideas, and like... My mental state hasn't gotten anywhere near what I'd call "good" but it also hasn't been constantly horrific, either? There are some pretty hard downs going on (last night definitely one of them) and the ups are tiny, but they're there.
So there's not much she could do this visit than go "Yeah, keep doing that stuff."
"That stuff" by the way, is basically just finding a heap of tiny little things that help, and do them as much as I have energy to. With a baseline goal of at least one of these things a day.
Playing the piano. (That has that "bilateral stimulation" thing going on, and I'm not doing proper EDMR therapy or anything, but my therapist is of the opinion that getting regular bilateral stimulation when under heavy stress is helpful. Can't hurt, at least!)
Going for a walk. (And lately picking a flower or something to bring the outside world in with me, a little. I have California poppies on my desk right now!)
Cooking food. (And not just reheating. That's not viable every day for me, but it's good when I can.)
Taking some deliberate relaxation and meditation time, without the kiddo. Easier now that grandma is finally well enough to take her sometimes again!
Doing something in the garden/doing something with the window egg carton seeds. (I do have to water the seeds every day, and that's so tiny I'm not sure it counts, but if I have a very, very, very bad day where everything is too much, I think that could count as "do something" for that day.)
Tuning in socially in a low-stress way to something like the UU coffee hour or trans support group, etc. or reaching out online to somebody I don't talk to much. I'm an introvert overall, but I'm less of one than some, and I find that right now I do crave a little bit of extra connection. I'm not really going out that much less often than normal? But the fact that it's not "I chose to stay in" but "I cannot go out" makes me crave it more, I think.
Focusing on other nice things that exist in my life, like the farm share box, my husband, my girlfriend, a nice book, some good music, chocolate, a nice cocktail, whatever. Gotta keep the chocolate n' cocktail thing a small moment, I'm trying to not overdo food or booze, but in moderation they're very uplifting things.
Anyhow, all that seems to be keeping me at least buoyed up enough to not totally lose myself in despair or anxiety spirals. They still happen, but the general upward force of having little positive things to focus on helps keep the bad moments from becoming all-consuming.
I seem to be coping a little bit, though?
Had therapy via video chat today. Didn't end up making another appointment, because there's nothing new in my life, and I've been implementing her suggested coping strategies and my own ideas, and like... My mental state hasn't gotten anywhere near what I'd call "good" but it also hasn't been constantly horrific, either? There are some pretty hard downs going on (last night definitely one of them) and the ups are tiny, but they're there.
So there's not much she could do this visit than go "Yeah, keep doing that stuff."
"That stuff" by the way, is basically just finding a heap of tiny little things that help, and do them as much as I have energy to. With a baseline goal of at least one of these things a day.
Playing the piano. (That has that "bilateral stimulation" thing going on, and I'm not doing proper EDMR therapy or anything, but my therapist is of the opinion that getting regular bilateral stimulation when under heavy stress is helpful. Can't hurt, at least!)
Going for a walk. (And lately picking a flower or something to bring the outside world in with me, a little. I have California poppies on my desk right now!)
Cooking food. (And not just reheating. That's not viable every day for me, but it's good when I can.)
Taking some deliberate relaxation and meditation time, without the kiddo. Easier now that grandma is finally well enough to take her sometimes again!
Doing something in the garden/doing something with the window egg carton seeds. (I do have to water the seeds every day, and that's so tiny I'm not sure it counts, but if I have a very, very, very bad day where everything is too much, I think that could count as "do something" for that day.)
Tuning in socially in a low-stress way to something like the UU coffee hour or trans support group, etc. or reaching out online to somebody I don't talk to much. I'm an introvert overall, but I'm less of one than some, and I find that right now I do crave a little bit of extra connection. I'm not really going out that much less often than normal? But the fact that it's not "I chose to stay in" but "I cannot go out" makes me crave it more, I think.
Focusing on other nice things that exist in my life, like the farm share box, my husband, my girlfriend, a nice book, some good music, chocolate, a nice cocktail, whatever. Gotta keep the chocolate n' cocktail thing a small moment, I'm trying to not overdo food or booze, but in moderation they're very uplifting things.
Anyhow, all that seems to be keeping me at least buoyed up enough to not totally lose myself in despair or anxiety spirals. They still happen, but the general upward force of having little positive things to focus on helps keep the bad moments from becoming all-consuming.