Today is not being a good day.
Aug. 11th, 2020 12:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bladesparkI feel like the anti-depressants are working, but I'm depressed anyway, because while they're "fixing" the brain chemistry issues, THE WHOLE GODDAMN UNIVERSE IS DEPRESSING right now.
I have a kind of...background "level" feeling. I don't spiral down in horrible thought-circles anymore. I don't feel that gaping pit inside me for no reason.
But whenever I think about the future, the planet, this country, any of that, the pit opens up, and it's terror and despair and horror and I'm reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally not coping super well with it.
And of course there's no solution to that. Think less about the world, but I have to have contact with it, since I'll go stir-crazy if I completely isolate myself.
I already feel isolated enough. I feel so often like I'm shouting into a void, like nobody really cares, like nobody really listens, and like there's nobody I can talk to. This isn't true, I know that, but I feel it all the same. The whole "author self-promotion" thing mostly consisting of exactly that, shouting into the void to little response, really doesn't help, either.
Bleh.
Also I'm stressing out about work and responsibilities and the to-do list. And the "coping via booze" thing is...not actually coping. ("Beer, the cause and solution of all life's problems...")
So yeah. Life kinda sucks. I'm muddling through, but I'm not feeling on top of the world, that's for sure. More like buried under it.
Sigh.
I have a kind of...background "level" feeling. I don't spiral down in horrible thought-circles anymore. I don't feel that gaping pit inside me for no reason.
But whenever I think about the future, the planet, this country, any of that, the pit opens up, and it's terror and despair and horror and I'm reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally not coping super well with it.
And of course there's no solution to that. Think less about the world, but I have to have contact with it, since I'll go stir-crazy if I completely isolate myself.
I already feel isolated enough. I feel so often like I'm shouting into a void, like nobody really cares, like nobody really listens, and like there's nobody I can talk to. This isn't true, I know that, but I feel it all the same. The whole "author self-promotion" thing mostly consisting of exactly that, shouting into the void to little response, really doesn't help, either.
Bleh.
Also I'm stressing out about work and responsibilities and the to-do list. And the "coping via booze" thing is...not actually coping. ("Beer, the cause and solution of all life's problems...")
So yeah. Life kinda sucks. I'm muddling through, but I'm not feeling on top of the world, that's for sure. More like buried under it.
Sigh.