All the brain-weasels
Jan. 26th, 2021 10:35 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bladesparkI always knew I was weird, but I never thought it was in an ADHD-Autism-Anxiety way. In a plural way, sure, in a nerd way, in an artist way, but...
Thing is, that I didn't recognize the other things because however it happened, as a child and teen I built a stack of coping strategies that managed them super well.
This last year, though, I have had to admit to all of them, because no matter how well they work, coping strategies take extra mental energy, and this past year? Yeah. I am down to the dregs every single day. No spoons to spare.
My car battery died in the parking lot today, and I waited an hour for JJ to come jump me because I couldn't bring myself to approach strangers about it. Social frigging anxiety. I was a Mormon missionary! I've done sales my entire life! "Approach strangers" has been basically my job description on multiple occasions and I did fine! Except it took a lot of mental strategizing and structure to do fine, and today I just sat in the car and tried to keep from crying and that was all I could manage.
I used to get so MAD when people called me shy. I wasn't *afraid* of talking to people, I just like solitude.
Well... *sigh* Shy still isn't quite right, but, yeah. I am afraid, just a little. And a lot of other things I never used to admit to, because they didn't bother me, because I had them managed. And now I don't.
Ugh.
Thing is, that I didn't recognize the other things because however it happened, as a child and teen I built a stack of coping strategies that managed them super well.
This last year, though, I have had to admit to all of them, because no matter how well they work, coping strategies take extra mental energy, and this past year? Yeah. I am down to the dregs every single day. No spoons to spare.
My car battery died in the parking lot today, and I waited an hour for JJ to come jump me because I couldn't bring myself to approach strangers about it. Social frigging anxiety. I was a Mormon missionary! I've done sales my entire life! "Approach strangers" has been basically my job description on multiple occasions and I did fine! Except it took a lot of mental strategizing and structure to do fine, and today I just sat in the car and tried to keep from crying and that was all I could manage.
I used to get so MAD when people called me shy. I wasn't *afraid* of talking to people, I just like solitude.
Well... *sigh* Shy still isn't quite right, but, yeah. I am afraid, just a little. And a lot of other things I never used to admit to, because they didn't bother me, because I had them managed. And now I don't.
Ugh.