Bit of a personal issues fic, this time.

Vertigo (5871 words) by bladespark
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Good Omens (TV)
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Characters: Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley (Good Omens)
Additional Tags: Sexual Repression, Heavy Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fear of Falling, gay issues, Wings, Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Inspired by Music, Virgin Aziraphale (Good Omens)
Summary:

Crowley and Aziraphale have been slowly falling for each other for centuries. The problem, though, when Crowley finally makes a move, is that Aziraphale knows that falling for Crowley means Falling, for the sex that's all tangled up in the way they love each other is definitely a sin.

He's an angel, and he's meant to be above such things, pure and righteous. But a demon's love may just tempt him in a way nothing else possibly could, and maybe, just maybe, that's worth Falling for.

Also finally finished a commissioned pony bit that I'll be posting Wednesday. Writing is good to do. Even if the part after that is very frustrating.

Putting myself in my stories.

I was honestly a bit hesitant to post Vertigo. (Still feeling twitchy about it, it hasn't been up long enough to know if it'll turn into one of those messes yet.) Last time I posted fanfic about something this deeply personal it went so to shit that it's no longer posted anywhere anymore. (I'm told you can find it if you know where to look. I don't care, I just don't want people to be able to contact me about it any way anymore. No comments on it, no PMs about why I deleted their comment on it, nothing.)

Vertigo takes one very specific angle on things, but it's more or less compressing the last four years of my relationship with the concept of "sin" into a single incident. I always do put "me" into my stories in some way, but a few of them are about things that are deep for me, and on those ones, people's reactions to them can also cut deep.

There's a very odd mix of feelings in realizing that things you've spent you whole fucking life fretting about, avoiding, feeling guilty about, etc. aren't actually sins and you were lied to about that and all that effort was wasted and yet they aren't actually sins and you're free now and they're there for the taking and you can drink coffee and get drunk and do weed and have sex with guys or girls or whoever without marrying them first and it's fine, you're not actually deeply sullying yourself by doing them, they're just things and they have natural consequences, but that's it, it stops there.

It's a lot, and I don't know if I could really capture how much of a lot it is in such a short story, especially as the final realization is towards the very end of the story. But still. Hopefully it'll mostly resonate with people in a good or useful way, and people who have a different experience will be able to move on without needing to sermonize at me about how wrong I am. :P