Haaaaaaaaaate

[bladespark]

Well, I've figured out why the last two days have felt sucky even though all the news I've gotten has been good news and nothing has actually gone wrong.

It's "that time of the month."

JOY

I have no words for how much I hate menstruation. It was worth putting up with, sort of, when I still wanted a baby but I HAD the fucking baby, I am done with the uterus and I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate menstruating. I don't even mind the blood or needing pads/tampons, or any of that. The cramps are annoying but livable.

No, it's the FUCKING mood swings that get me. There's this part of my body that is symptomatic of everything I dislike about my body, and on top of that it forces me to involuntarily feel things that I have no good reason to feel. I hate it. It's a non-consensual thing that happens to me, that I can't prevent, that I have to suffer through, and it forces me to do things I don't want to do and I just loathe everything about it.

And of course there's nothing I can do about it because I can't afford to have an elective surgery that my insurance would never cover just because I don't like feeling cranky for a few days a month.

Bleh.

Comments

[darchildre]

God, it is the fucking worst, right? I get one or two days of depression every month - consistently days of apocalyptic "the earth and every creature on it would be better off if humanity just disappeared" depression that's linked to nothing other that my menstrual cycle.

When the cyborg revolution comes, that's the first goddamn thing I'm removing from my body.

[worlds_of_smoke]

I have the same fucking problem, but including psychotic breaks and a completely unpredictable cycle because of PCOS. I can't get a hysterectomy because my uterus is perfectly anatomically healthy and "The hormonal shifts cause me to have psychotic fucking breaks" isn't enough of a reason for my insurance to pay for a hysterectomy. So me and my ob/gyn have me on Depo to stop my cycle completely. I get a shot every 10 weeks instead of every 12 and we'll continue to do so until I get of an age where menopause is almost completely assured.

I'd much rather fucking get the stupid thing yanked, and my ob/gyn would do the surgery in a heartbeat. She knows that I don't fucking want kids and have never wanted them, I cannot get pregnant for health reasons, and I have gender issues that are exacerbated by menstruation. But, alas, this is what we have to do because the good ol' US of A has the best health care in the world. -rolls eyes so hard-

Now, I just wish her hospital system would let me fucking get my shot without forcing me to do a pregnancy test.

[raveninthewind]

Ugh, that's rough.

sorry you feel so rough--hormones suck.

[raveninthewind]

Can you take the pill? My sister used to take a no-period birth control pill back to back for months before letting herself have a cycle. She had per year.

I don't know much about that, because I couldn't ake them due migraines.

Re: sorry you feel so rough--hormones suck.

[bladespark]

Alas, every hormonal birth control I've ever tried has made me wildly depressive and/or homicidal all the time, instead of just a few days a month. I'm apparently super-sensitive, even the low-dose ones gave me massive mood swings. It's why I have a copper IUD instead of anything hormonal now.

Re: sorry you feel so rough--hormones suck.

[raveninthewind]

Rotten luck.

I guess hoping for early menopause is your only recourse. :P

Re: sorry you feel so rough--hormones suck.

[bladespark]

Early menopause, winning the lottery, or real health care reform. I guess early menopause is the likeliest of the lot! :P

[silveradept]

Oh, yay, hormonal misery is the very best (and should be preventable) thing.

[leiacat]

Sympathy.

I had a solid couple of decades with a fairly predictable pattern of emotional rollercoasters the day before and of, pain first 2 days, and so forth. Irksome, but at least I could brace for impact and make plans.

In last 2 years, my body decided to switch it all up, and I've NO IDEA what's coming when anymore. Sure, let's have a nervous breakdown on day 4, that'll be exciting. OK, think we're done? Nope, let's do it again!

(Getting to be That Age, so we'll see what my body throws at me next.)