bladespark | Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I use that title a lot. Well, this journal is primarily for me to vent/bitch about things, so...

I don't shop for clothing often. I'm not a clothes horse, and my mother-in-law keeps giving me clothes, so as far as femme/neutral clothing goes, I have more than I could possibly need most of the time. Strictly masculine stuff I tend to buy online, or at secondhand stores, as I'm broke.

So I had actually kinda forgotten that gendered changing rooms are a thing in a lot of stores. (None of the thrift shops I've visited here have them.)

Then I walked to the changing room sign in Fred Meyer's with a pair of sweatpants in hand, saw the men's and women's signs and went "Well, fuck."

There's an attendant and everything, it's not like the thing I've sometimes done with bathrooms where it's actually very easy to just stroll into whichever when it's not busy because nobody will even lay eyes on you doing it. Nope, I have to specifically interact with a human being and go "one item for the men's" not even three full days after deciding to try to present as male in public spaces and not just in private/kink/alternative spaces.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

I ended up entirely chickening out and just buying the pants without trying them on. They fit fine, they're sweatpants, the odds were very good they would. I know I'm going to have to face down going into the "wrong" room somewhere eventually, but today just wasn't that day.

Cis people have no idea how unfriendly and scary and awful these dumb, mundane, everyday things can be for trans people. I was thinking, as I left the house today, that I'm super glad I knew two of the places I was stopping at had "family style" restrooms so that I wouldn't have to worry about needing to explicitly gender myself just so I can pee, but I hadn't even thought about changing rooms.

There are a million, bajillion tiny little ways in which everything is wrong and uncomfortable and annoying when you're trans, and I am really not looking forward to those parts of trying to present male in public. Bleh. It makes me almost question if it's worth it.

It is, I think, but ugh.

Also they had jack squat for sports bras there. I'd wanted to get a flatter cup size one than the one I currently own, so that I'd have something for days when I don't want to be running around all booby, but don't feel like dealing with an actual binder. But the only ones they had were so flimsy I couldn't imagine them flattening anything at all. (Or giving any support either, for their intended cis wearers! Geez.) May try WalMart, they actually had a big sports bra selection last time I was there. I'm trying to avoid them these days, but I don't have a big budget for this stuff, so needs must.