On being a night owl and a stick.

[bladespark]

(This post may have content that is offensive to the ridiculously sensitive, the menstrating, and the otherwise inclined towards emotional reactions. But screw it if I'm going to cut it. If you want to get upset, just go ahead and get upset. Just know that I don't mean any of it offensively. I'm just tired, right now, of trying to be diplomatic and polite. I want to just SAY stuff already without picking over phrases that won't upset anybody.)

I like being a night owl. The reason I started staying up late was to have time and space to myself. I am the oldest of five. The next sibling after me is less than two years younger than I. And our family is big on going to church events, and reunions, and block parties, and other such occasions. There were always people around me, always, and most of my growing up life I shared a bedroom with somebody else. The only way to get time by myself was to be awake when nobody else was. As the rest of my family tend more towards being morning people, this was great for me growing up.

It's still pretty good. JJ and I have decided to start working out, and we began today. Nothing too strenuous, just some time on the treadmill and exercise bike every day. Our apartment complex has a little fitness center with one of each, plus a basic weight machine, and a rowing machine thingy. If we decide to start lifting weights, (which we'd both like to do,) it'll get problematic, as there's just one weight machine. But for now he prefers the bike, and I like the treadmill, so it works just fine. There's a little spa there too, with a hot tub and a sauna, which I may spend some time in tomorrow, as I anticipate being a tiny bit sore. Not hugely so, but a bit.

And as we're exercising around 9 or 10 in the evening, we have the place to ourselves, no competition at all. 'Tis spiffy. I don't know how we'd manage if other people wanted to use it, there's really not room for many in there, particularly not if they all want to do the same stuff.

Hopefully we'll be able to keep this schedule going, and start to get in shape. And you know, I almost didn't put this bit in, but screw it. Just because I know people who are overweight, I don't feel like tip-toing around the issue. Facts are facts, and the amout you weigh is a fact. What that amount means is often a matter of opinion, but the amount itself turns up on the scale, and is a measurable fact. *ahem.* Sorry. Anyhow, I don't know what I weigh right now. I don't own a scale, and I'm not sure I care to, really. If I had to guess I'd say 135, which is as much as I've ever weighed, and as far as I'm concerned is just about right. The problem isn't the amount, it's the location of said amount. I have arms like sticks, and am developing a little pot belly. There's 20 pounds or so of fat lurking about my middle that could be muscle elsewhere. And shall be, I hope! Man, I want to have muscles. I don't want to look like Mrs Universe or anything, but I'm tired of being frail. I don't like not being able to do stupid things like open jars and lift boxes and whatever. I bench press the freaking bar and it's almost too heavy. Well, not anymore. I'm going to get into cardiovascular shape, and then I'm going to get some muscles!

I am SO surpressing a rant on body image here. I've ranted about it before, I really don't need to again. But dang, our society is really ridiculous when it comes to that kind of thing. I do not want to be in shape, or build muscles, so that I can look like a model. Even models don't look like models! They're all photoshopped. *ahem* Ranting slipping out there. Anyhow, the point, the point is that I want to have more muscle tone because of what it will enable me to DO, not because of how it will make me look, or how people will look at me, or anything to do with the visual perception. I look fine the way I am, I don't need to feel like I'm somehow more or better or whatever. I just want to be able to run and hike and climb, and carry a pack without dying, and get lids off jars without looking like an idiot because it's not on there tight, really, but I can't get it off anyhow, and argh! And also having done it will give me such a sense of accomplishment. Woot, I can do stuff! Getting into shape is supposed to be really hard, so if you do it, you're really great, right?

Man, I shouldn't be allowed to write at this hour, did that even make sense?

Comments

[aoanla.livejournal.com]

And also having done it will give me such a sense of accomplishment. Woot, I can do stuff! Getting into shape is supposed to be really hard, so if you do it, you're really great, right?

Doing anything difficult is its own justification? If it's good enough for mountaineers...

And yes, the problem with just using weight as a measure of fitness is that muscle is denser than fat. But you know this, so this is more of an affirmation or something.

[puppetmaker40.livejournal.com]

It makes sense and some good points too.

The photoshopping of both models and bodybuilders bugs the ever loving *bleep* out of me. It is all an illusion.

Not that models don't look good on their own. I once saw Iman and Bowie walking down the streets of New York hand in hand and she is a very striking woman.

[aoanla.livejournal.com]

Oh, and anyway, models emphatically do not look muscular, so there's not really a need to defend yourself on that score...

[wyngaed.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean about the staying up late thing. I do it to get alone time too. It wasn't that big of a problem with my family, it was just me, my mom and my sister... it was easy enough to tuck myself away in my room any time I wanted to be alone... but there's something a lot more peaceful and rewarding about being up when no one else is. It just calms me down and lets me unwind.

Granted, I have a conflict with it that I developed because of my mother. I have guilt for staying up late. It's not "normal" it's not "healthy" it's not "right" always echo in my head because of her. I can't help feeling guilty when I'm up this late, especially when my mate is asleep. But then again, I really want to stay up because my mate is asleep. People even need breaks from their significant others, yannow!

And on my own little mini rant in your journal (sorry, hehe) but my mate was unemployed for over 2 months. My only time away from him was work which was really stressful. Even if I stayed up late he could stay up really late too because he didn't have to go to work. It wore me out a lot for awhile, but then again after he got used to being around all the time and getting a dose of Jodi whenever he felt like it he got a lot less clingy. Now he's back to a job again so when he does see me he does not freakin' get off me. The last two days he's been obsessive to the point where I want to punch him. And it stresses me out and when he sees me get upset over his clinging he gets all depressed and whiny so then I feel guilty for not wanting the touch... augh! But now he's asleep 'cause he works at 7am and oh my gosh this is just so relaxing. I need to go to sleep soon because I don't want to sleep in too late, but I'm really enjoying having the entire apartment to myself. lol.

[lin-chan.livejournal.com]

When I was as young as four or five, I remember waking up when everyone else was asleep and playing with my stuffed animals in the dark, having picnics in the living room.
Here I've been so confused why I find more energy the later it gets in the day, and I only naturally really want to sleep some time after six or seven. Been fighting it my whole life.
Didn't know it, but my mother recently confessed I was nocturnal as an infant! That explains a lot..
Do you think you could have been too?

[unspeakablevorn.livejournal.com]

For almost as long as I can remember my most productive time of day has been about 2:30 AM.

Vorn

[eisenhart.livejournal.com]

Insomniac elder god works at unspeakable hours. Somehow, it works.

Also, yey muscles.

[jilinn.livejournal.com]

I'll admit to being overweight, but someone discussing the issue doesn't really bother me. In fact, it's not the weight itself, but like you said, the placement of said weight. Right now, I watch what I eat and do some walking. My ability to excercise is limited both by knowledge of my location and back problems not associated with my weight. I do what I can though and wait for my mate to come home so I have someone to work out with and that will encourage me to keep at it.

[kainhighwind-dr.livejournal.com]

Good on ya to decide to make use of the equipment your landlord so graciously provides your apartment complex! That's actually pretty neat of them to do that. How convenient!

I know what you mean about wanting to have some muscle tone. I've always been a pretty strong person for my size and age, but somewhere along the way I lost a lot of strength, and it's been terrible not having what I used to. I mean, I can still open jars and stuff (provided the arthritis isn't flaring) but I am lacking a lot of my upper body strength these days. Been working towards that and losing weight (for health reasons mainly) for awhile now, and again, provided I'm not having a really exhausted day, I actually enjoy it. Building muscle feels goooood.

Heh, and you know, even if models aren't Photoshopped they're still pretty bloody unrealistic in real life.... sickly, anorexic freaks who make Barbie look plausible. 0_0 It's not such an ideal situation after all, to be so slim. All kinds of health issues that way as well.

[springmoone.livejournal.com]

Agh, this makes me want to rant too, especially about body image. The pressure is strong for normal people but insane for an athlete. INSANE.

Yeah, it's great that you like the running ^^ I love to run... For cardio I really suggest doing intense interval workouts (obviously... work up to the point where you can do intense. Please don't kill yourself!) which consist of running in faster bursts for a number of minutes, moving more slowly for one or two as a rest period, then running quickly again. I think most treadmills have that option. n_n I think I read somewhere that by running you can go from 20% bodyfat to about 10% over a period of time... But maybe that was for road-running, which is really fun too.

Cheers for the stick arms! I have sticks for arms too >_> It's so hard to build muscle on them.
If you need any advice for cardio workouts or running, I'll pass on any info I glean from my coaches. (Track team? yarly.)

[graydown.livejournal.com]

I really sympathize with the weight thing. If I wanted to lose enough weight to be pretty, I'd have to also become officially anorexic. Bah. And finding exercise that won't hurt my knees or make me grow muscles seems impossible. Swimming would work... but I'd have to lose weight to go to a pool, and I'd have to exercise to lose weight, and I want to exercise at the pool. Bah, again.

[bladespark.livejournal.com]

Some gyms have a private, indoor pool, if the reason you feel you need to lose weight before going to the pool is because you don't like being seen in a swimsuit. Go at an odd hour of the day and you'll probably have the place to yourself. Also, the gym I used to go to had these sliding ski machine things. No hurting knees at all, because you just move your legs back and forth. Heck, even an exercise bike might work, it's usually easy on the joints.

(And no, you wouldn't have to become anorexic to be pretty! There are plenty of non-anorexic pretty people. They're just not supermodels. Supermodels aren't pretty, they're scary. My JJ is very handsome, and he's "overweight" by today's ridiculous standards.)

[graydown.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure a gym pool would be better, but my budget and I are currently discussing a membership so we'll see. ^_^

Assuming I've understood the things I've been reading recently (not always a guarantee, since scientists write for other scientists, not for proofreaders), anorexia is what happens when you lose more than 30% of your body weight. I know people who could do that and still be overweight. Maybe that means I've misunderstood something...

[bladespark.livejournal.com]

My understanding of anorexia is that it's a psychological definition, not a physiological one. Which means that it's nothing to do with how many pounds you are, or what percentage you lose, it's to do with how you behave towards your body image and food. Wikipedia seems to agree with me. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anorexia_nervosa

An anorexic person believes that she (or he) is overweight, regardless of what the scales say, and will continue diet to lose weight even after losing to the point of being too thin.

[graydown.livejournal.com]

Anorexia nervosa may be a purely mental thing; I can't really speak to that. I have seen "anorexic" used to describe everything from macaws to muskoxen -- critters that probably aren't susceptible to body image issues. It might just be doctor-speak for "suddenly lost a bunch of weight." Or I may have misunderstood. ^_^

[bladespark.livejournal.com]

Ah. Try this article then: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anorexia_%28symptom%29

Anorexia, rather than anorexia nervosa, isn't a disorder at all, it's just a technical term for loss of appetite.

[pet-tiger.livejournal.com]

Well, I am overweight and have been most of my life and you didn't offend me.

I don't believe I need to lose weight to be healthy. I don't really believe that all my joint problems are due to weight. (I suspect arthritis as it seems to run in my family, but that's besides the point)

Anyway. I'd actually like to lose some weight, but more importantly get exercising and eating better. This past summer I started biking to work and home everyday (20 minute one-way trip. ^^; ) And I started bringing lunches to work with me. I'll tell you, I felt 100 times better than I do now. And I know part of it is that it's winter and it's swinging between mild and bitterly cold which is wreaking havoc on my joints, but I suppose that's not a really good excuse as to why I don't take lunches anymore. (I'm lazy, it's too cold to go get groceries and I'm too tired when I get home from work.)

Anyway. My long rambly point was that the only reason a person should try to lose weight/exercise is so that they feel better. I don't think it really works otherwise, in the long-term, I mean. I want to lose some weight so I will just feel better, all-around. Plus when I was working at Wal-Mart and had dropped to 180 lbs, I had sexy curves. ^^;;

[lightgreendryad.livejournal.com]

shrug. I'm thin and actually rather healthy-looking, but I still huff when I walk up the hill and can't carry much either. Just because you might look "beautiful" by society's terms doesn't mean you're healthy. I do very little exercise-wise to actually promote that kind of body type. I enjoy taking a dance class or a yoga class, and I naturally don't eat fast food but maybe once every three months or so... Hey. I figure I'll enjoy the extra-fast metabolism while I can until it drops by age or pregnancy. Then we'll see what I do.

[sphix.livejournal.com]

Well, it was coherent, after all ^_^ And people are their most honest when they're really, really tired. I've discovered that, after many, many sleepless nights.

[sparkindarkness.livejournal.com]

I am completely a night owl because I like the night but I can understand the privacy thing. My family haven't been BIG on the whole gatherings together and I only have one sibling but I have an AGGRESSIVE need for privacy.