Expectations

[bladespark]

I can remember being eighteen years old, in my first year at college, away from home for the first time, rooming with five other girls in a ridiculously tiny dorm. I didn't really like any of my roommates, but we at least got along well enough most of the time. And being young single females we did a certain amount of chatter and gossip and talking about boys. The other five were dating, some casually some seriously. I was not. My first date wasn't to come for another year yet. There was one of them dating seriously that got engaged towards the end of the year, and of course then all we talked about was marriage. And I said at that time that I was going to be single until I was 27.

It was kind of a joke. I didn't really think it would take me that long to find a guy. I knew I wouldn't get married at 19 or 20 like most of my roommates probably would, of course, but I didn't really expect to take until I was 27. But hey, if it did take that long that wouldn't be too bad, right? It would mean that I could go on my mission, return, send my younger brother off on his mission, wait for him to get back, and then have my entire family at my wedding. It would work out perfectly, really. But what I really thought would happen was that I would go on my mission, I'd do my good bit for God, and when I got back there wouldn't be any reason for me to be single any more, so God would bless me with a guy and I'd get married at 23, or maybe I'd take a year or two, and it'd be 25. But I still said a few times that I'd be single until I was 27, and I'd laugh. 27 was so old. 27 was such a long way off. I was smart, pretty, and no longer painfully shy. I knew a lot of guys. I dated a lot of guys even, surely I'd find one before then...

I turn 29 in just a bit over two months.

I remember being 27 already, and talking about moving to Oregon to be with JJ and get out of the situation I was in at the time. I remember us talking about how it would go, I'd move here, we'd give it a few months to get both our families used to the idea of us together, then we'd get engaged, and by the next year we'd be married.

I've been here ten months now.

Sometimes it's a good thing that my expectations about the future don't get met. But sometimes... sometimes not so much so.

Comments

[rakul.livejournal.com]

*hugs* and here I say I would be pleasantly surprised for someone to come my way when I'm 30 (which is sorta a depressing thought actually).

[rimspace.livejournal.com]

I note it is more so when you are 30.

[sulcharae.livejournal.com]

(Hint: Leaving the house to go where there are single females so that they can notice that you're there greatly increases your chances of finding one who will keep you.)

[2dlife.livejournal.com]

I don't think life would any better if it always behaved as expected. I don't know where I'll be ten years down the line. If I just followed the path of others in my position, I'd be starting a professorship. I may also be in med school, law school or culinary school. I may be a journalist, a novelist, an aid worker. I may have started a biotech company or working at one. I may or may not be married, may or may not have kids, may or may not own a house... Or I may infect myself with HIV in a lab accident tomorrow and be gone in ten years. Who knows?

*hug*

[aazhie.livejournal.com]

don't be sad! you seem like a pleasantly awesome person, and I wouldn't worry about it much. I don't know how you feel about kids and whatnot, but there is still plenty of time to have a life and family.

um, i don't know who JJ is and if you are still considering getting married, but did you two break up? if you are still interested in this person, why don't you propose? (I am assuming you have all your finaces and blah together,so if you don't i can see why one would wait)

I have friends who would always fuss about how they didn't have a boyfriend. The thing was, most of them never did anything social outside of hanging with roomates and going to work. Some of them have other issues, obviously, but sometimes you gotta get out of the car and push. I don't want to assume that you are just sitting on yer butt whining, but honestly, it does help to go out and do some new things, meet new people. I met some really great friends taking a fencing class and would not be where I am without it. So not to try and pry or tell you what to do, but just some things i personally found helpful.

i hope you feel better soon! :(

Re: *hug*

[bladespark.livejournal.com]

Issues are seldom as simple as that, I'm afraid. Going out a meeting others would solve nothing. Proposing myself would solve nothing. There is no solution to the problem that I can put into action.

[silveradept]

If it should take a little longer, but the result is the same, then the happiness just gets compressed a bit and experienced a bit more intensely.

We would like all the issues involved to sort themselves out in an amiable manner.