The dark side.
Jul. 4th, 2007 04:20 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bladesparkSo I'm having a conversation... No, not a conversation. I'm insulting an idiotic furry on the internet. It's not exactly an intellectual give and take. It's more like shooting fish in a barrel. And I got to thinking. I just told him that I'm a horrible person who enjoys insulting people if given half the chance, so I wasn't going to go away until he either shut up, or started crying.
Which to some of you who know me may seem rather out of character. After all, to you guys I'm quite nice, kind, polite, and even go out of my way to do nice things sometimes.
Does it make me some kind of raging two-faced hypocrite to be nice to some people and cruel to others?
I guess in a certain sense it does. But thinking about the reasons why I enjoy being practically troll-ish, I came up with some interesting thoughts. The first is that I do have a YinWolf, and shi doesn't just like physical violence, she's pretty fond of emotional violence too. NOT, as has once been claimed, of being abusive to people I care about, no not at all. Rather, shi likes the chance to cut loose with a cutting remark. There's no manipulation, and no attempt to do serious harm. There's just a "clean" insult. It's satisfying. It's a very guilty pleasure, which I am aware can actually do harm to another person, particularly if they have a fragile ego, so it's a pleasure that I deny myself very nearly all the time.
But... but there are those times when somebody trolls me, and once that happens, I know I'm not dealing with an innocent. I'm dealing with somebody else who loves the hurtful remark, and somebody who's fonder of it than I, because they've unleashed it without provocation. So I retaliate in kind, and it's a good chance to blow off steam without guilt.
And then there are the idiots. With them... honestly with them I do feel a little guilt. They may be stupid, irritating, and annoying, but that doesn't mean the deserve ill-treatment. They haven't invited it the way a troll has. But I still haul out the arsenal of cruel words with them. And I do so because of hard experience.
I used to be nice to them. I used to kindly correct them. I used to try and gently hint how annoying they were, and attempt to help them become better people. And when I couldn't stand them any more I used to try to ignore them, or to find some kind way to tell them I don't want to talk to them. And it never worked! Once you're nice and sympathetic to somebody who has no social skill and few friends, you are their Best Buddy. They want to talk to you. They call you their friend after one conversation. They constantly bother you, and in my case it was bad enough that I was actually turning off my IMs, even though it can cost me business when a customer can't find me, because I just didn't want to have to try one more time to head off the too-friendly, inept, irritating advances. So finally I snapped, and told one of them exactly what I thought of him.
And he went away! He never spoke to me again! OMG! And so I started being rude. I hate being rude. I really do. And yet at the same time... man it felt good! It felt sooooooooooooo good! No more gentle correction, just tell them honestly what I think of them! And they leave me alone. Woot!
I really, really, really do try to give people the benefit of the doubt. But man... it is such a guilty pleasure to cut loose and let somebody know exactly how annoying they really are.
And hopefully this will be reassuring to anybody who thinks they're driving me crazy. If you were driving me crazy, you'd know! *grin*
Which to some of you who know me may seem rather out of character. After all, to you guys I'm quite nice, kind, polite, and even go out of my way to do nice things sometimes.
Does it make me some kind of raging two-faced hypocrite to be nice to some people and cruel to others?
I guess in a certain sense it does. But thinking about the reasons why I enjoy being practically troll-ish, I came up with some interesting thoughts. The first is that I do have a YinWolf, and shi doesn't just like physical violence, she's pretty fond of emotional violence too. NOT, as has once been claimed, of being abusive to people I care about, no not at all. Rather, shi likes the chance to cut loose with a cutting remark. There's no manipulation, and no attempt to do serious harm. There's just a "clean" insult. It's satisfying. It's a very guilty pleasure, which I am aware can actually do harm to another person, particularly if they have a fragile ego, so it's a pleasure that I deny myself very nearly all the time.
But... but there are those times when somebody trolls me, and once that happens, I know I'm not dealing with an innocent. I'm dealing with somebody else who loves the hurtful remark, and somebody who's fonder of it than I, because they've unleashed it without provocation. So I retaliate in kind, and it's a good chance to blow off steam without guilt.
And then there are the idiots. With them... honestly with them I do feel a little guilt. They may be stupid, irritating, and annoying, but that doesn't mean the deserve ill-treatment. They haven't invited it the way a troll has. But I still haul out the arsenal of cruel words with them. And I do so because of hard experience.
I used to be nice to them. I used to kindly correct them. I used to try and gently hint how annoying they were, and attempt to help them become better people. And when I couldn't stand them any more I used to try to ignore them, or to find some kind way to tell them I don't want to talk to them. And it never worked! Once you're nice and sympathetic to somebody who has no social skill and few friends, you are their Best Buddy. They want to talk to you. They call you their friend after one conversation. They constantly bother you, and in my case it was bad enough that I was actually turning off my IMs, even though it can cost me business when a customer can't find me, because I just didn't want to have to try one more time to head off the too-friendly, inept, irritating advances. So finally I snapped, and told one of them exactly what I thought of him.
And he went away! He never spoke to me again! OMG! And so I started being rude. I hate being rude. I really do. And yet at the same time... man it felt good! It felt sooooooooooooo good! No more gentle correction, just tell them honestly what I think of them! And they leave me alone. Woot!
I really, really, really do try to give people the benefit of the doubt. But man... it is such a guilty pleasure to cut loose and let somebody know exactly how annoying they really are.
And hopefully this will be reassuring to anybody who thinks they're driving me crazy. If you were driving me crazy, you'd know! *grin*
