I never knew I was poor

[bladespark]

I never knew I was poor. I grew up in a household that definitely lived below the poverty line, but I didn't know it. It's always a little strange for me to see people who had a lot more than I, and what they consider to be necessities, because most of those things aren't. I find it hard to figure out people who think there's something wrong with shopping at the DI or Goodwill. I keep running into this idea that parents are supposed to pay for their children's college education, that this is what good parents do, and I am baffled. Why? My parents were good parents, and they didn't do that. I did that. I did the paperwork and got the grant money. I earned the scholarships, and when those ran out, I got jobs and worked summers and took semsters off to work more, and paid for myself. And I didn't think I was especially great or wonderful or independant for doing so, that's just what people did, right?

I thought that ramen was a normal part of pretty much everybody's diet, and that only buying things when they were on sale if you didn't absolutely need them was what most people did. I had no idea that most people find it normal to eat out several times a week, eating out is for birthdays and baptisms and other very special occasions, isn't it? And even though now I am not poor at all, (though technically I still live below the poverty line by some definitions of it) I still run into the odd assumptions of people who grew up with plenty and to spare. And the even odder assumptions of people who didn't have plenty, but felt they had to live like they did. And they very often baffle me.

Today I encountered an essay about being poor. I imagine my mother would know a lot about those things. Some of them ring true to me, a bit. I don't think we were quite as hard up as the picture painted there, but we were close. But I never hid in the restroom to avoid letting my friends know I was on free lunch. Being on free lunch was what normal people did, right? I never knew I was poor. And I'm very glad I never knew it. I could have been raised to know I was poor. I could have been fed a diet of bitterness about what we didn't have. But I wasn't. We were too poor, and too practical to waste money on a television, so I wasn' told what I ought to own by the TV, and although I was certainly raised with the idea that every penny needs to be pinched to get the most out of it, I was never raised to be envious of those who didn't have to pinch their pennies.

Yet another thing to thank my parents for.

Comments

meh

[aazhie.livejournal.com]

i think parents aren't obligated to put their kids through college, i think parents ARE obligated to see that their kids are doing well and can reasonable take care of themselves. I think parents ARE obligated to motivate their kids to do whatever they want and make them work for what they want. whether or not you ahve money, there are ways of getting an education and "moving up" as it were, if that is what you want/need to be happy. I understand that a lot of people who are "poor" don't neccessarily have the personailty and skills that your parents did. I just feel like doing whatever the heck you want and making enough money to do it. I just wish more people could be taught things like saving money in elemantary school so those parents who can't or won't teach their kids how to survive don't mess up their kids lives too much... :P
When i have lots of money i do eat out more, but I certainly don't expect nice restaurant trips when i am at the end of my paycheck...:\

[harliquinnraver.livejournal.com]

i really like your view on this. :) growing up, we were below the poverty line as well. dinners of beanie weanie and sketti were a regular thing when i was a kid. mac and cheese was too. reduced lunches at school.
toys bought at yard sales rather than toy stores.

[pet-tiger.livejournal.com]

You know, my family always had enough money to be mighty comfortable, but Mom always saved money wherever she could. Waiting to buy things until they were on sale, (if you didn't absolutely need it right now) buying things at garage sales and the salvation army were things we always did and they always just seemed like good sense to me. When I was younger Dad was a roughneck on the rigs and while it is very good money, if the work slows down you don't get paid. So Mom and Dad were careful about budgeting and saving money where they could. Things just continued on like that later on because Mom and Dad knew it made good sense.

Sometimes it bothers me that I don't go more out of my way to save more money. It's cumbersome to try and get to Value Village or Salvation Army to look for clothes, nevermind that they won't have sizes to fit me anyway. And garage sales are so hard to get to in the city when you've only got the bus to get around. But I suppose I shouldn't complain too much. I learned fairly well from Mom. I shop a lot at Wal-Mart because it's the cheapest place and I keep a look out for sales and clearance stuff whether I'm shopping at Wal-Mart or at the grocery store.

I'm not sure what my point with all that was.

[rabbitsystem.livejournal.com]

We were poor as kids, but we never knew it either. Not poor enough to be on free school lunches, but poor enough that by the end of the weeek there's be enough money to buy a loaf of bread and some baked beans, and that would do dinner and toast for breakfast and we'd go get the disability allowance before we could have lunch. But didn't everybody do that? Weren't takeaway chips always a treat? Didn't everyone wear hand-me-downs?
Now we're studying and we have our own finances to take care of, we save again.

[lanabananaotter.livejournal.com]

Hmm. What IS poor?
Is 'poor' not having all the snazzy new things that nobody even needs, or is 'poor' not having any food at all or no roof over your head?
Society's ideas of poor sometimes makes me feel so helpless. Especially when I hear things like kids being made fun of for not having DC shoes and stuff. Give me a break!
We always shop at sales. Why pay more for something when you don't have to?

Sorry, that got a bit ranty. I just hate how material we are as a society.

[bladespark.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Our society is definitely too focused on materialism. Poor is not being unable to afford name brands.

I find that poor is more of an attitude than a dollar amount, really. If you're happy, if you have what you need, if you have enough, you're not poor. I'd say we were poor because we didn't always have what we needed. Getting one $5 toy for your birthday is probably poor. Having to get food from the DI because you can't afford to buy food and pay rent is probably poor. DI food tastes pretty dang good though, so as I kid I never minded. I know now that it really bothered my parents though.

[lanabananaotter.livejournal.com]

I completely agree. What we want is not always what we need, and not having what we want doesn't mean we're poor.

My sister lives in Beijing, China, so I get to visit a lot. So many people have so little, yet they're so happy. Even the homeless people are happy! It's mostly all in how you look at it. If you want to have a good life, have one! (though that's often easier said than done)

It's sad that your parents felt bad over that, though. It's not nice to feel dependent on others. Sometimes we can't help it though, and I'm sure your parents would have been charitable had the tables been turned. ^3^

[techmav.livejournal.com]

One that should have been on the list...
"Being poor, is knowing what government cheese tastes like"

Growing up, my family was poor. Usually well below the poverty line, due to an alcoholic step-father who couldn't keep a job and drank what he did manage to earn. My mom worked outside the home, which meant that being the oldest, I had to watch my two brothers and keep them out of trouble as best I could. I remember going the the National Guard Armory in town every month or so, to pick up our share of cheese, beans, powdered milk, and peanut butter if we were lucky.

I got a job when I was 16, paid off my own car and covered my own insurance and gas money. It wasn't much, in fact it was a $600 car, but it got me to my three part-time jobs and school. I didn't go to college, couldn't afford to, had no desire to. I joined the Marine Corps straight out of high school and it did me a world of good. Not because of the GI Bill or anything, but showing me what I am capable of and how much 'guts' I have.

I look around now, at where I am in life. I've got two kids, who live with their mother, who left me in 2001. I pay more child support per month now than I used to earn in a month after I got out of the Marines. I don't begrudge the money I send, either. I know what it's for and I know why. I have a second hand car, but it gets me where I need to go. No, I don't have a fancy house, I don't have a new car, I don't have the latest and greatest toys and computers. I learned from my first marriage what is important, and it's not material. It's love. Being with those you love, caring about another, helping and doing what you can. I do believe strongly in karma. I've seen it in action, I've experienced it first hand. I stop and help people on the side of the road, wanting nothing more than a 'Thank you'. I don't have to stop, but I do.

Yes, I know I rambled a bit. My opinion and $1.50 will get you a small coffee at Dunkin' Donuts.