Not exactly six of one

[bladespark]

Somebody recently said to me that I should just expect everyone I meet to be stupid, that I should expect to be disappointed by everyone.

I said that I'd rather not assume everybody is a total moron, thanks.

And she responded "Ah, so you like surprises."

No, I don't. But there's something I like even less, and that's offending, annoying, and upsetting intelligent people whom otherwise I could be friends with.

For example - what set this off was my being annoyed over somebody not understanding "Don't want something that isn't X" and thinking it meant "don't want X." Now I could have headed this off, by putting the explanation into very small words, in very simple terms right from the start. I could have expected this person to be an idiot and not understand, so I could have given a lengthy explanation designed for idiocy right away, rather than having to headdesk at the total incomprehension. And it would have, in this case, saved me some trouble.

And you know what? I HATE it when somebody explains something simple at length. I HATE the assumption that I am a moron who needs things like double negatives explained in small words. Hate, hate, hate, hate. It's insulting. It assumes I'm an idiot, and since I'm not, I rather dislike being treated as though I am. Do YOU like being treated like you're a moron or a small child? I'm going to not want to talk to anybody who treats me that way. It's the reason I have a hard time talking to my mother, because she back slides into talking to me like I'm six sometimes.

So if this person had, in fact, been a person I might get along with, a person a lot like me, I would have offended them horribly by assuming they were stupid. So the options here are, treat everybody like an idiot, offend some of the smart ones who don't want to be treated like idiots, or treat everybody like they're smart, and occasionally get a "surprise." Just because I'd prefer the second option doesn't mean I'd like those surprises. But I still DO prefer the second option. I refuse to assume everyone is stupid. Oh, I know a lot of them are, of course I do. But why on earth should I metally tack "idiot" onto every single person before I find out if it's justified? Why should I not think of people as human beings more or less like myself as the default option? And you know... I wasn't shocked by this person proving she was an idiot anyhow. Annoyed a bit, but not shocked. Just because I try to avoid assuming doesn't mean I'm completely blindsided by acts of idiocy. I encounter them often enough, after all. I just don't particularly enjoy them.

But as much as it annoys me to find idiots who don't understand, I will still continue to treat everybody I meet like an intelligent human being until they prove otherwise.

(And frankly... coming from somebody who once had a lengthy conversation with me about respecting everybody I meet right off the bat, rather than requiring them to earn my respect first... The cynicism here shocked me. WTF? What changed?)

Comments

[ellixis.livejournal.com]

Mmmm. Idiocy doesn't surprise me, but I prefer to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and assume intelligence first. If I'm proved wrong, I can revise downwards without being offensive; it's hard to revise upwards without offending.

[kainhighwind-dr.livejournal.com]

Heh, my mother gesticulates elaborately to explain simple concepts to me and talks really slow all the while. I once laughed at her sarcastically when she did so, saying something like "Um yes, mother, I THINK I got it! It's not that complicated a concept!" because I just couldn't help myself. I was so friggin' insulted. *LOL* And she just sorta took it, too! Like she realised how ridiculous she looked and sounded, and had nothing to say in retort. Didn't get outraged at me and call me a "b*tch" as I feared she might, either.

I tend to do it to people too, maybe because of her influence, but also from my various jobs where I would spend HOURS having to explain policy or technical things to people who had no clue. That and I think some amount of egotism plays into it on my part. I try hard not to sound condescending, especially as I don't honestly mean to. -_- I think sometimes I believe what I have to say is really important and avant garde or some such, when in reality I must sound a little er, slow... damn over-inflated sense of self-importance! *LOL*

[bladespark.livejournal.com]

I've caught myself over-explaining at times, but I try my darndest not to. *nods* It's usually on something that I'm used to most people asking for an explanation on, so I just get into the habit of giving the whole schmoo right off.

[kainhighwind-dr.livejournal.com]

Yeah that's understandable... pre-recorded messages. ;)

I just explained twice this week to the same people that no, double-side printing does not cut your number of pages in half, in very slow and careful terms. And they still didn't seem to believe me. *weeps bitterly* I have had one heck of a frustrating week! ;D

[sartan0.livejournal.com]

Double Negatives in writing are best avoided regardless of the context.

[bladespark.livejournal.com]

I didn't write the double negative in question.

It's rather a long story. But it involves somebody answering the question "What do you NOT want on this?" So the negative was sort of the natural response.