How to deal with Mormons on your doorstep

[bladespark]

So the doorbell rings, and when you peer out your little fisheye you see them: young men, white shirts, ties, little black name tags. The Mormons are here. What do you do?



1. Pretend you're not home. I'll just say flat out that if you don't want them to come back, this is the very worst option to pick. (Well, other than I guess inviting them in and saying "come back" but I figure most of you reading this aren't completely insane.) Anyhow it does work for this reason: when they're going around a neighborhood they have a little notebook. In it they mark down the results of each door. If nobody answers, it gets marked as "try again later." They will knock on your door EVERY time they come around. So if you never open it, they're never going to go away. I know you probably don't want to deal with saying "no" and maybe having them argue with you and make you uncomfortable, but hiding isn't the best solution.

2. Try to scar them for life. I never had this one happen to me, probably because I was young, cute, and female when I went around door to door. But we've all heard the stories of the various "hilarious" schemes designed to make sure they never bother you again. There are two problems with this solution. Frankly I think the big one is that a person who gets joy from scaring the snot out of a couple of earnest kids (and they are kids, they're just 19) is not a hero, or a comedian. They are a bully, plain and simple. I guess if you're okay with being a bully then go right ahead, but I'm not going to think it's funny. The second, and more practical problem is that the missionaries rotate areas every couple of months. Sure the pair that you scared won't ever come back again. But the pair that moves in two months later has no idea who you are. All they've got is a little "do not visit" tickybox.

And here's a thing. There really is NO way to make sure the Mormons never ever, ever bother you ever again. There just isn't. The "do not visit" tickybox is good for about a year. Then they'll consider it likely that you've moved, you've changed your mind, or they'll get the wife who might be interested when the husband wasn't, or whatever, and they'll try again. It doesn't matter what you do. Scream at them. Threaten them with weapons. Give in and join the church, they'll still sometimes come by! I'm a lifelong, active, church-going member and I still get them on my doorstep from time to time. (Probably the result of sloppy record keeping with my local bunch, mind, but it does still happen.)

So let's move on to the options to at least make them go away for that year or so, without being a jerkwad about it.

3. Just say no. "I'm not interested." *shut door* That's all it takes most of the time. You say that, they leave. End of story. But of course you probably worry that they're going to be zealots, that they'll put a foot in the door and try to argue with you. It does happen, I'll admit. I never did it, and I'd have chewed out any partner of mine that tried it, but it happens. Nevertheless, the vast majority of them will go away if you just say "no thanks". But if you really, really, really want them to leave without any argument, without a "but our message will save your soul!" or whatever, then there are some magic words you can try.

4. The magic words. "I have a friend who's Mormon, if I have any questions, I'll ask her." This is the trump card. This is the one they just can't argue with. They are taught that a Mormon friend is more powerful and wonderful and amazing at converting people than they are. They're told to try and find interested possible converts a Mormon friend, because a Mormon friend is what really and truly brings people into the church. They're trained to believe (and I'm sure it's fairly true, even) that it's more important for a friend to be part of the teaching process than for them to be. People are more likely to want to join something that their friends are into, than to want to join something some random guy on their doorstep is into, after all. :) So those are the magic words. Just say them, and the missionaries will go away. They won't argue, they won't tell you you're going to hell, they'll just leave. 99.99% guaranteed.


So there you go. And it's not a lie, by the way, to say that you have a Mormon friend you can ask. I'm right here. Any questions you want to ask me are completely welcome. (Just remember that I don't extend my tolerance to tolerating bigotry and hate speech, so that sort of thing will just get deleted.)

Comments

[harliquinnraver.livejournal.com]

:) this is awesome. thank you for posting it.

[xianghua.livejournal.com]

<3

THe Mormons who go door to door, I've found, are invariably very polite.

The Jehovahs Witnesses, OTOH, leave the gate open and DESERVE any jumping-on they get by dogs when they come in the latched gate with the "Corgis ahead" sign without ringing the bell on the gate...

[bladespark.livejournal.com]

We used to get JW's when I was a kid, and my mother always invited them in and tried to convert them to Mormonism. I'm sure they got a bit frustrated with her. :D I've never actually had any come by since living on my own.

I always liked it when people had dogs, when I went around. I love dogs. Although I had a companion once who was terrified of dogs. She more or less hid behind me whenever we went to a house with dogs.

[derakon.livejournal.com]

I've never really thought of corgis as being particularly dangerous, mind you...

(To SPark) Do you have any statistics on how successful going door-to-door is in converting people to Mormonism?

[xianghua.livejournal.com]

No, but the corgi owner iwll be IRATE if you leave the gate open and they get out and consider any muddy pawprints that they put on you a just revenge...

[bladespark.livejournal.com]

It varies WILDLY by area. Where I was (Ireland) pretty much nil effectiveness. :) But in some countries it works very well. South America apparently is really booming, as far as door to door conversions go.

I don't have any direct access to the church's statistics, so I can't give you numbers. They don't make all of them public, just the broadly sweeping stuff like membership, number of wards, etc.

[ellixis.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I've had JWs be annoyingly persistent, but the Mormons have never failed to be polite. I haven't gotten any of either sort since I put up a "No Solicitors or Witnesses" sign on the front door, though.

[ekmahal.livejournal.com]

As an ex-JW, I can assure you that they are trained and reminded to be polite, and to accept that if a householder is Not Interested, they are Not Interested, end of story, go away (until next time). Of course, people are people wherever you go, and sometimes you do get pushy idiots who won't back off and leave people ALONE.

[ekmahal.livejournal.com]

I think the local JW's know than an ex-JW live at our house, because when they're in our neighbourhood, they never, ever knock. (This is common practice, to ignore the JW's who've left the faith or been removed from the congregation.)

I've only ever once had a rude Mormon, and when I very politely explained that his options were to remove his foot from my doorway or have me 1) shut the door hard then 2) call the police for harassment, he (and his very-embarrassed-looking partner) left quite promptly. The rest have accepted "no thank you not interested haveanicedaybye" quite happily.

[bladespark.livejournal.com]

You know I'm really not sure which is the more annoying, the whole "shun, shun the unbeliever" thing that JW's do, or the "We're going to loooooooooooooooooooooooooove you and try to convince you to come back forever and ever and ever, there is no escape!" thing you get with a lot of Mormons. :P I mean, I didn't mind getting "fellowshipped" half to death when I left the church for a while, because I always knew I'd be coming back eventually, but I can kind of picture how irritating that would be if you wanted nothing more to do with it. And yet the shunning thing really seems so... I don't even know what to call it. So childish.

[ekmahal.livejournal.com]

To be fair, I am kind of grateful for it. I mean, I /left/ and being ignored is what I wanted!!

But yes, the ostracism makes a lot of people bitter. I understand, in theory, why it's done (basically pressure the sinner into reforming so as to have their community back) but it is very harsh.

[derranged.livejournal.com]

I actually never knew you were a mormon, lol. I don't know enough about the religeon to make any calls, but you're a nice enough person for me to not care what religeon you are. Whatever works for you and makes you happy while not harming others, haha. But this was a rather interesting and informative read, so thanks for the info! ^^

[bladespark.livejournal.com]

I'm one of those people who doesn't believe in shoving my various affiliations in people's faces. I also don't believe in being in the closet about anything. I just live like who I am, and eventually people will figure out that I'm Mormon, Furry, Genderqueer, or whatever. :) Or they won't. It's fine either way, I'm still me!

[aburamechan.livejournal.com]

lol This is so educational. Whenever someone I don't know comes to the door, I usually go hide in the closet and wait for them to leave. :V

[phantomfox67.livejournal.com]

ty for posting this :) I live in bible country and it seems where ever I move I know a minister pastor ect. I simply tell them I am spiritual but not religious. We have alot of discussions and I truly listen to their beliefs. I simply tell them there are many roads to travel in life and you should take the road that best suits you :)

[lightgreendryad.livejournal.com]

I love this, and I'm a Mormon. I hear this sort of thing from the long-bearded, long-haired, spectacled hippies who live around Oregon. What a Zen attitude.

As the Utahns say, "Keep on keeping on."

[phantomfox67.livejournal.com]

Thank you lol I have learned alot in my now 44 years of life and I was Roman Catholic and have 2 "Born again" Brothers and I tell them just like I posted here. Their responce was I was a heathen and was going to burn in hell for all eternity. All this because I didn't want to take their path lol

[unspeakablevorn.livejournal.com]

I haven't had any around lately, but the last ones that came by I invited in for beverages, showed them my brother's small wall of religious texts (including the Book of Mormon but not the other two) and talked about Utah.

[bladespark.livejournal.com]

Well, I suspect you're a bit of an outlier for not wanting them to just go away. :)

[lightgreendryad.livejournal.com]

Bladespark, I love the flow of this post; I love that you've got the answer at the end, but that you've got honesty throughout that's cleverly written.

I can attest to everyone reading this, as another Mormon, that this is really what the nineteen-year-old kids are taught. And they're just doing what they're told to do. It's really what happens, unless you get the kid who's really gung-ho about it all and decides to have a bold attitude on your doorstep. Or he's bored with all the closed doors in your neighborhood and looking for a good reaction so he can write his parents at home with a great story.

[wolfmare.livejournal.com]

The bold gung-ho type are the ones who would give *me* a panic attack, rather then the other way around.

I have a sign for the door (mentioned below), mainly because it's less the religion or beliefs that get to me then it is the people themselves. I sometimes get panicky just from the doorbell ringing, and we live in a fairly nice neighborhood.

Although, SPark did offer me a book (can't remember which) some while back, because I'm eternally curious. Just, can't do the whole strangers at my door thing.

[eileengallia.livejournal.com]

Thank you for those magic words. I have friends and family who are Mormon, and I never realized that would help. :)

It's funny... that will get the Mormons leave, but telling the Evangelist that I am the same religion/denomination they are, they act like they don't believe me.

That is the main why I don't like the door to door thing.

[wolfmare.livejournal.com]

Most of the folks who stop by our door (or did, anyway... Will explain in a sec) have always been Jehovah's Witnesses. There's been a couple of people from other churches, but pretty much *always* the one group. And usually, even, the same woman, with a different person in tow every time.

I tried politely brushing them off, it didn't work, and I realized they were coming by. Every week. On the same day. At the same time. Without fail.

When me being polite didn't work, I simply posted a sign on the door, "Do Not Solicit. Yes, that includes religion." Maybe a little rude, but I'm not trying to scare people, I have no desire for confrontation, and I get anxiety attacks around people I don't know. Pretty much the best option given the circumstances, though I still feel kinda bad for it sometimes.