How to deal with Mormons on your doorstep
Aug. 1st, 2011 04:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
So the doorbell rings, and when you peer out your little fisheye you see them: young men, white shirts, ties, little black name tags. The Mormons are here. What do you do?
1. Pretend you're not home. I'll just say flat out that if you don't want them to come back, this is the very worst option to pick. (Well, other than I guess inviting them in and saying "come back" but I figure most of you reading this aren't completely insane.) Anyhow it does work for this reason: when they're going around a neighborhood they have a little notebook. In it they mark down the results of each door. If nobody answers, it gets marked as "try again later." They will knock on your door EVERY time they come around. So if you never open it, they're never going to go away. I know you probably don't want to deal with saying "no" and maybe having them argue with you and make you uncomfortable, but hiding isn't the best solution.
2. Try to scar them for life. I never had this one happen to me, probably because I was young, cute, and female when I went around door to door. But we've all heard the stories of the various "hilarious" schemes designed to make sure they never bother you again. There are two problems with this solution. Frankly I think the big one is that a person who gets joy from scaring the snot out of a couple of earnest kids (and they are kids, they're just 19) is not a hero, or a comedian. They are a bully, plain and simple. I guess if you're okay with being a bully then go right ahead, but I'm not going to think it's funny. The second, and more practical problem is that the missionaries rotate areas every couple of months. Sure the pair that you scared won't ever come back again. But the pair that moves in two months later has no idea who you are. All they've got is a little "do not visit" tickybox.
And here's a thing. There really is NO way to make sure the Mormons never ever, ever bother you ever again. There just isn't. The "do not visit" tickybox is good for about a year. Then they'll consider it likely that you've moved, you've changed your mind, or they'll get the wife who might be interested when the husband wasn't, or whatever, and they'll try again. It doesn't matter what you do. Scream at them. Threaten them with weapons. Give in and join the church, they'll still sometimes come by! I'm a lifelong, active, church-going member and I still get them on my doorstep from time to time. (Probably the result of sloppy record keeping with my local bunch, mind, but it does still happen.)
So let's move on to the options to at least make them go away for that year or so, without being a jerkwad about it.
3. Just say no. "I'm not interested." *shut door* That's all it takes most of the time. You say that, they leave. End of story. But of course you probably worry that they're going to be zealots, that they'll put a foot in the door and try to argue with you. It does happen, I'll admit. I never did it, and I'd have chewed out any partner of mine that tried it, but it happens. Nevertheless, the vast majority of them will go away if you just say "no thanks". But if you really, really, really want them to leave without any argument, without a "but our message will save your soul!" or whatever, then there are some magic words you can try.
4. The magic words. "I have a friend who's Mormon, if I have any questions, I'll ask her." This is the trump card. This is the one they just can't argue with. They are taught that a Mormon friend is more powerful and wonderful and amazing at converting people than they are. They're told to try and find interested possible converts a Mormon friend, because a Mormon friend is what really and truly brings people into the church. They're trained to believe (and I'm sure it's fairly true, even) that it's more important for a friend to be part of the teaching process than for them to be. People are more likely to want to join something that their friends are into, than to want to join something some random guy on their doorstep is into, after all. :) So those are the magic words. Just say them, and the missionaries will go away. They won't argue, they won't tell you you're going to hell, they'll just leave. 99.99% guaranteed.
So there you go. And it's not a lie, by the way, to say that you have a Mormon friend you can ask. I'm right here. Any questions you want to ask me are completely welcome. (Just remember that I don't extend my tolerance to tolerating bigotry and hate speech, so that sort of thing will just get deleted.)
1. Pretend you're not home. I'll just say flat out that if you don't want them to come back, this is the very worst option to pick. (Well, other than I guess inviting them in and saying "come back" but I figure most of you reading this aren't completely insane.) Anyhow it does work for this reason: when they're going around a neighborhood they have a little notebook. In it they mark down the results of each door. If nobody answers, it gets marked as "try again later." They will knock on your door EVERY time they come around. So if you never open it, they're never going to go away. I know you probably don't want to deal with saying "no" and maybe having them argue with you and make you uncomfortable, but hiding isn't the best solution.
2. Try to scar them for life. I never had this one happen to me, probably because I was young, cute, and female when I went around door to door. But we've all heard the stories of the various "hilarious" schemes designed to make sure they never bother you again. There are two problems with this solution. Frankly I think the big one is that a person who gets joy from scaring the snot out of a couple of earnest kids (and they are kids, they're just 19) is not a hero, or a comedian. They are a bully, plain and simple. I guess if you're okay with being a bully then go right ahead, but I'm not going to think it's funny. The second, and more practical problem is that the missionaries rotate areas every couple of months. Sure the pair that you scared won't ever come back again. But the pair that moves in two months later has no idea who you are. All they've got is a little "do not visit" tickybox.
And here's a thing. There really is NO way to make sure the Mormons never ever, ever bother you ever again. There just isn't. The "do not visit" tickybox is good for about a year. Then they'll consider it likely that you've moved, you've changed your mind, or they'll get the wife who might be interested when the husband wasn't, or whatever, and they'll try again. It doesn't matter what you do. Scream at them. Threaten them with weapons. Give in and join the church, they'll still sometimes come by! I'm a lifelong, active, church-going member and I still get them on my doorstep from time to time. (Probably the result of sloppy record keeping with my local bunch, mind, but it does still happen.)
So let's move on to the options to at least make them go away for that year or so, without being a jerkwad about it.
3. Just say no. "I'm not interested." *shut door* That's all it takes most of the time. You say that, they leave. End of story. But of course you probably worry that they're going to be zealots, that they'll put a foot in the door and try to argue with you. It does happen, I'll admit. I never did it, and I'd have chewed out any partner of mine that tried it, but it happens. Nevertheless, the vast majority of them will go away if you just say "no thanks". But if you really, really, really want them to leave without any argument, without a "but our message will save your soul!" or whatever, then there are some magic words you can try.
4. The magic words. "I have a friend who's Mormon, if I have any questions, I'll ask her." This is the trump card. This is the one they just can't argue with. They are taught that a Mormon friend is more powerful and wonderful and amazing at converting people than they are. They're told to try and find interested possible converts a Mormon friend, because a Mormon friend is what really and truly brings people into the church. They're trained to believe (and I'm sure it's fairly true, even) that it's more important for a friend to be part of the teaching process than for them to be. People are more likely to want to join something that their friends are into, than to want to join something some random guy on their doorstep is into, after all. :) So those are the magic words. Just say them, and the missionaries will go away. They won't argue, they won't tell you you're going to hell, they'll just leave. 99.99% guaranteed.
So there you go. And it's not a lie, by the way, to say that you have a Mormon friend you can ask. I'm right here. Any questions you want to ask me are completely welcome. (Just remember that I don't extend my tolerance to tolerating bigotry and hate speech, so that sort of thing will just get deleted.)
no subject
Date: 2011-08-01 11:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-01 11:39 pm (UTC)THe Mormons who go door to door, I've found, are invariably very polite.
The Jehovahs Witnesses, OTOH, leave the gate open and DESERVE any jumping-on they get by dogs when they come in the latched gate with the "Corgis ahead" sign without ringing the bell on the gate...
no subject
Date: 2011-08-01 11:49 pm (UTC)I always liked it when people had dogs, when I went around. I love dogs. Although I had a companion once who was terrified of dogs. She more or less hid behind me whenever we went to a house with dogs.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-01 11:50 pm (UTC)(To SPark) Do you have any statistics on how successful going door-to-door is in converting people to Mormonism?
no subject
Date: 2011-08-01 11:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-01 11:55 pm (UTC)I don't have any direct access to the church's statistics, so I can't give you numbers. They don't make all of them public, just the broadly sweeping stuff like membership, number of wards, etc.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-02 12:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-02 12:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-02 12:52 am (UTC)I've only ever once had a rude Mormon, and when I very politely explained that his options were to remove his foot from my doorway or have me 1) shut the door hard then 2) call the police for harassment, he (and his very-embarrassed-looking partner) left quite promptly. The rest have accepted "no thank you not interested haveanicedaybye" quite happily.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-02 01:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-02 01:37 am (UTC)But yes, the ostracism makes a lot of people bitter. I understand, in theory, why it's done (basically pressure the sinner into reforming so as to have their community back) but it is very harsh.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-02 01:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-02 01:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-02 03:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-02 03:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-02 03:36 pm (UTC)As the Utahns say, "Keep on keeping on."
no subject
Date: 2011-08-02 06:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-02 09:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-02 10:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-02 03:41 pm (UTC)I can attest to everyone reading this, as another Mormon, that this is really what the nineteen-year-old kids are taught. And they're just doing what they're told to do. It's really what happens, unless you get the kid who's really gung-ho about it all and decides to have a bold attitude on your doorstep. Or he's bored with all the closed doors in your neighborhood and looking for a good reaction so he can write his parents at home with a great story.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-05 02:12 am (UTC)I have a sign for the door (mentioned below), mainly because it's less the religion or beliefs that get to me then it is the people themselves. I sometimes get panicky just from the doorbell ringing, and we live in a fairly nice neighborhood.
Although, SPark did offer me a book (can't remember which) some while back, because I'm eternally curious. Just, can't do the whole strangers at my door thing.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-03 11:05 pm (UTC)It's funny... that will get the Mormons leave, but telling the Evangelist that I am the same religion/denomination they are, they act like they don't believe me.
That is the main why I don't like the door to door thing.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-05 02:08 am (UTC)I tried politely brushing them off, it didn't work, and I realized they were coming by. Every week. On the same day. At the same time. Without fail.
When me being polite didn't work, I simply posted a sign on the door, "Do Not Solicit. Yes, that includes religion." Maybe a little rude, but I'm not trying to scare people, I have no desire for confrontation, and I get anxiety attacks around people I don't know. Pretty much the best option given the circumstances, though I still feel kinda bad for it sometimes.