How to deal with Mormons on your doorstep
Aug. 1st, 2011 04:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bladesparkSo the doorbell rings, and when you peer out your little fisheye you see them: young men, white shirts, ties, little black name tags. The Mormons are here. What do you do?
1. Pretend you're not home. I'll just say flat out that if you don't want them to come back, this is the very worst option to pick. (Well, other than I guess inviting them in and saying "come back" but I figure most of you reading this aren't completely insane.) Anyhow it does work for this reason: when they're going around a neighborhood they have a little notebook. In it they mark down the results of each door. If nobody answers, it gets marked as "try again later." They will knock on your door EVERY time they come around. So if you never open it, they're never going to go away. I know you probably don't want to deal with saying "no" and maybe having them argue with you and make you uncomfortable, but hiding isn't the best solution.
2. Try to scar them for life. I never had this one happen to me, probably because I was young, cute, and female when I went around door to door. But we've all heard the stories of the various "hilarious" schemes designed to make sure they never bother you again. There are two problems with this solution. Frankly I think the big one is that a person who gets joy from scaring the snot out of a couple of earnest kids (and they are kids, they're just 19) is not a hero, or a comedian. They are a bully, plain and simple. I guess if you're okay with being a bully then go right ahead, but I'm not going to think it's funny. The second, and more practical problem is that the missionaries rotate areas every couple of months. Sure the pair that you scared won't ever come back again. But the pair that moves in two months later has no idea who you are. All they've got is a little "do not visit" tickybox.
And here's a thing. There really is NO way to make sure the Mormons never ever, ever bother you ever again. There just isn't. The "do not visit" tickybox is good for about a year. Then they'll consider it likely that you've moved, you've changed your mind, or they'll get the wife who might be interested when the husband wasn't, or whatever, and they'll try again. It doesn't matter what you do. Scream at them. Threaten them with weapons. Give in and join the church, they'll still sometimes come by! I'm a lifelong, active, church-going member and I still get them on my doorstep from time to time. (Probably the result of sloppy record keeping with my local bunch, mind, but it does still happen.)
So let's move on to the options to at least make them go away for that year or so, without being a jerkwad about it.
3. Just say no. "I'm not interested." *shut door* That's all it takes most of the time. You say that, they leave. End of story. But of course you probably worry that they're going to be zealots, that they'll put a foot in the door and try to argue with you. It does happen, I'll admit. I never did it, and I'd have chewed out any partner of mine that tried it, but it happens. Nevertheless, the vast majority of them will go away if you just say "no thanks". But if you really, really, really want them to leave without any argument, without a "but our message will save your soul!" or whatever, then there are some magic words you can try.
4. The magic words. "I have a friend who's Mormon, if I have any questions, I'll ask her." This is the trump card. This is the one they just can't argue with. They are taught that a Mormon friend is more powerful and wonderful and amazing at converting people than they are. They're told to try and find interested possible converts a Mormon friend, because a Mormon friend is what really and truly brings people into the church. They're trained to believe (and I'm sure it's fairly true, even) that it's more important for a friend to be part of the teaching process than for them to be. People are more likely to want to join something that their friends are into, than to want to join something some random guy on their doorstep is into, after all. :) So those are the magic words. Just say them, and the missionaries will go away. They won't argue, they won't tell you you're going to hell, they'll just leave. 99.99% guaranteed.
So there you go. And it's not a lie, by the way, to say that you have a Mormon friend you can ask. I'm right here. Any questions you want to ask me are completely welcome. (Just remember that I don't extend my tolerance to tolerating bigotry and hate speech, so that sort of thing will just get deleted.)
1. Pretend you're not home. I'll just say flat out that if you don't want them to come back, this is the very worst option to pick. (Well, other than I guess inviting them in and saying "come back" but I figure most of you reading this aren't completely insane.) Anyhow it does work for this reason: when they're going around a neighborhood they have a little notebook. In it they mark down the results of each door. If nobody answers, it gets marked as "try again later." They will knock on your door EVERY time they come around. So if you never open it, they're never going to go away. I know you probably don't want to deal with saying "no" and maybe having them argue with you and make you uncomfortable, but hiding isn't the best solution.
2. Try to scar them for life. I never had this one happen to me, probably because I was young, cute, and female when I went around door to door. But we've all heard the stories of the various "hilarious" schemes designed to make sure they never bother you again. There are two problems with this solution. Frankly I think the big one is that a person who gets joy from scaring the snot out of a couple of earnest kids (and they are kids, they're just 19) is not a hero, or a comedian. They are a bully, plain and simple. I guess if you're okay with being a bully then go right ahead, but I'm not going to think it's funny. The second, and more practical problem is that the missionaries rotate areas every couple of months. Sure the pair that you scared won't ever come back again. But the pair that moves in two months later has no idea who you are. All they've got is a little "do not visit" tickybox.
And here's a thing. There really is NO way to make sure the Mormons never ever, ever bother you ever again. There just isn't. The "do not visit" tickybox is good for about a year. Then they'll consider it likely that you've moved, you've changed your mind, or they'll get the wife who might be interested when the husband wasn't, or whatever, and they'll try again. It doesn't matter what you do. Scream at them. Threaten them with weapons. Give in and join the church, they'll still sometimes come by! I'm a lifelong, active, church-going member and I still get them on my doorstep from time to time. (Probably the result of sloppy record keeping with my local bunch, mind, but it does still happen.)
So let's move on to the options to at least make them go away for that year or so, without being a jerkwad about it.
3. Just say no. "I'm not interested." *shut door* That's all it takes most of the time. You say that, they leave. End of story. But of course you probably worry that they're going to be zealots, that they'll put a foot in the door and try to argue with you. It does happen, I'll admit. I never did it, and I'd have chewed out any partner of mine that tried it, but it happens. Nevertheless, the vast majority of them will go away if you just say "no thanks". But if you really, really, really want them to leave without any argument, without a "but our message will save your soul!" or whatever, then there are some magic words you can try.
4. The magic words. "I have a friend who's Mormon, if I have any questions, I'll ask her." This is the trump card. This is the one they just can't argue with. They are taught that a Mormon friend is more powerful and wonderful and amazing at converting people than they are. They're told to try and find interested possible converts a Mormon friend, because a Mormon friend is what really and truly brings people into the church. They're trained to believe (and I'm sure it's fairly true, even) that it's more important for a friend to be part of the teaching process than for them to be. People are more likely to want to join something that their friends are into, than to want to join something some random guy on their doorstep is into, after all. :) So those are the magic words. Just say them, and the missionaries will go away. They won't argue, they won't tell you you're going to hell, they'll just leave. 99.99% guaranteed.
So there you go. And it's not a lie, by the way, to say that you have a Mormon friend you can ask. I'm right here. Any questions you want to ask me are completely welcome. (Just remember that I don't extend my tolerance to tolerating bigotry and hate speech, so that sort of thing will just get deleted.)
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no subject
Date: 2011-08-02 03:07 am (UTC)